The Journey – Part 1 – Chapter 1

Summary: The story is the development of the love and relationship of Trip and T’Pol and also Malcolm and Hoshi to a lesser degree. It is also about friendship and the family we chose. I use canon because it makes the characters who they are, and then I extend it out past “Terra Prime” into a reasonable story that could have happened if TPTB hadn’t killed the series. I ignore the addiction, end the series at Terra Prime, and hate Captain Archer as a character. Scott Bakula is a great actor, but his portrayal and character, were all over the place.

Disclaimer: I don’t own Star Trek or any of its characters (Paramount does). I wish I did so that they were still on, and all I’m getting out of this is hours of fun.

Rating: NC-17

Archive: Yes (On any Trip/T’Pol sites) Use anything you want.

The dialogue in italics is bondspeak between TnT in their minds.

Chapter 1

“Okay, you work on figuring this out while I get something to drink.” Trip handed T’Pol the Rubik’s cube he had not been able to solve in months of trying, as he headed across the mess hall. Trip didn’t know where they stood, but she had stopped avoiding him the last couple of weeks, so for now he was content to just be whatever.

As he reached the drink dispenser, he grabbed a cup, put it in and asked for chamomile tea, hot, with mint. He repeated the exercise and decided to head over to get some dessert. There were several items available. Pecan and cherry pie would normally have been his first choices, but he asked the assistant chef if he had any blueberries to put on the plain cheesecake he’d spotted? The chef said “yes” and Trip asked him to prepare two pieces and to please add some whipped cream to both. Upon returning to his table, he handed T’Pol a cup of tea and one of the desserts.

She looked up with a puzzled expression and he simply said, “I thought you might like some too.” In fact, she did want some and had been thinking about it since she had walked by the desserts when she got her meal, but was caught off guard when Trip had brought it back to the table. “Commander, I didn’t realize your taste for sweets included blueberry cheesecake?” After taking a sip of his tea, Trip told her “I prefer plain cheesecake, but blueberries just sounded good.” He had given no thought to the fact that he had never tried it with blueberries before; never asked for whipped cream, except on pumpkin pie, and he was drinking T’Pol’s favorite tea, which he had never drank before.

Back in her quarters while attempting to meditate, T’Pol realized that their bond was stronger than she had ever believed possible, and that the Commander was totally unaware of it’s continued existence, thus far. It wouldn’t be long before he started to realize something was up and she had to figure out how to tell him. They had finally gotten to a place where they were the best of friends and she didn’t want to lose that again. Her marriage, her mother’s death, the Kir’Shara, Terra Prime, and Elizabeth’s death had almost destroyed any chance she had at controlling her emotions, and the thought of losing Trip was more than she could even think about. It had taken her the last two years to come to terms with her emotions and her lack of control where he was concerned and now that she had found, some sort of balance that would allow them to possibly deepen their friendship, all could be lost again.

Having gone to his quarters, Trip found he was extremely restless. He always needed to be doing something, but tonight he couldn’t seem to sit still at all. Malcolm had suggested they do some self-defense workouts to hone his skills, so Trip headed towards his quarters to see if he were free. He laughed to himself, walking down the corridor, remembering Malcolm’s laughingly telling him ” you are a disaster waiting to happen whenever you leave this ship and anything I can do to ensure your safety will only help in getting my people to stop trying to get out of going if you’re on the away team.?” Trip didn’t think it was funny, but he did have to admit he did manage to get into some serious situations and that he spent all most as much time in Sickbay as in engineering sometimes.

When Malcolm didn’t answer his door Trip decided to head down to the Rec room and do some exercise to burn off some of his excess energy. When he arrived, there were a couple of the new female crewmembers sparring with each other and he began to watch them as he stepped onto the treadmill. He input his normal program for a run and was absently staring across the room when he suddenly felt a jolt in his head. He jerked his head around and he was looking directly at T’Pol standing just inside the door with this strange look in her eyes. “What did I do now?” he thought. Angry, he reached down, sped up the treadmill, and looked down at his feet. Taking deep breaths he tried to push down what he was feeling, as it didn’t make any sense for him to be angry with T’Pol or anyone else. It didn’t sense for her to be upset with him either, but she was. “We didn’t have plans, we just had dinner and that was my idea, so I could give her the Rubik’s cube.” She liked puzzles and that was the first puzzle he had to give her on his quest to get her to spend more off-duty time with him. He couldn’t think of anything he could have done to upset her. When he looked up, he was surprised to see T’Pol burning holes through the two females across the room. If he hadn’t known, better he would have thought she was jealous. That couldn’t be true, as there was no reason for her to feel … “Man, I have got to stop projecting my fantasies onto her.”

“Commander…” T’Pol, now standing right next to his ear whispered, “Trip.” Trip almost feel off the treadmill when he jerked back to reality. “Yeah, what?”

“Would you like to join me in the Science Lab to figure out what those plant specimens you brought back are?” “Sure as long as we take precautions so they don’t attach themselves to me again, I’d like that,” he said while trying to figure out why she was no longer mad at him. He grabbed his towel and followed her to the lab. When they got there, an Ensign under T’Pol was working on the strange plants and seemed to be well into whatever she was doing, so they left her to it. Trip started looking around and noticed a kind of miniature rock garden in the corner. He walked around it and got the strangest feeling he’d seen it before, but where? “This is the garden at your Mom’s house, isn’t it?” T’Pol nodded. “It’s great. I loved it almost as much as the Fire Plains. Wished I’d spent more time there. It was very peaceful and made me wish I could learn how to meditate properly.”

Surprised T’Pol said, “I did not know that you wished to learn to meditate. You’ve never mentioned it before.”

“You told me once that it helped you control your emotions and there are times I could really use any help I can get, especially when I seem to have so much energy I can’t sit still. My Mom said I was born on the move and never slowed down, but there are times I wish I could just be.”

“I would be willing to teach you to meditate if you wish. We could start now if you have no plans.” Trip considered this for a moment. “Okay, but I need a shower first. My quarters or yours in half an hour or so?”

“My quarters would seem more appropriate to meditate as I have the necessary candles and cushions or I could just bring candles to your quarters.”

“Actually I have candles in my closet. I brought them back from Vulcan.”

“When did you have time to purchase them, as you were with me all the time you were there and then came directly back to Enterprise when you left?” T’Pol queried.

“Your Mom gave me a package just before we left for the wedding. When I asked what it was she said she hoped I would find pleasure in the items someday, and that we needed to go. When I got back to Enterprise I opened up the package, there were six candles in holders and this shield of some sort. ”

“Could I see the items?”

They were walking down the corridor toward Trip’s room. When they got to the hall that led to T’Pol’s room he expected her to veer off, but she didn’t, she kept walking beside him. He keyed in the code, his door opened, he motioned for her to enter, and he followed her in. “I guess I’ll take that shower and then get the candles.”

“Could you get the package first, Trip?” Why did he lose all track of thought and his insides turn to mush and when she said his name? Maybe because she didn’t do it often. He went into the closet and handed her the package, grabbed clean clothes, and went into the bathroom and stepped into the shower.

The hot water was beginning to work its magic and relax him and his headache a little. “Whoa, what the hell was that?” Overwhelming sadness. Tears were rolling down his face. T’Les and Elizabeth he could almost see them both, feel them both. Then nothing. Trip just stood there a minute trying to get his bearings again. “Oh no, here comes the mother of all headaches again.” He got out of the shower, grabbed a towel, wrapped it around himself and went into the other room. T’Pol curled up in a ball on the floor with the package from her mother.

“Darlin, what’s wrong?” As he tried to lift her up off the floor. He sat down next to her, pulled her up into his arms, and held her there. She didn’t fight him at all. In fact, she wasn’t responding at all. They sat there for a long time. Trip didn’t know how long, but he was beginning to feel cold sitting there, being slightly wet with only his towel around his waist.

“T’Pol, are you alright?” He pulled back and looked into her eyes. She seemed lost. He closed his eyes and tried to think of what to do. Suddenly he knew. He got up went to the bathroom and put on his clothes, went back, took the candles and arranged them as he’d seen T’Pol do, found a lighter, and lit them. He then went around behind her and put his legs on either side of her, sat her upright and pulled her into his chest, then placed his hands atop hers. He began breathing in and out like she had taught him during neuropressure. He got right up to her ear and said, “You’re not breathing right. Do it like you taught me.”

She became aware of the candles, stared at the flame and the cleansing breaths followed. He could feel her relax. He tried to stare at the flame and do the same, but could not. He closed his eyes and cleared his mind. All he could hear was the engine. He could always hear it in the back of his mind. When it was running smooth it was just there, but if anything was wrong it would jump right to the front and get his immediate attention. He relaxed into the sound and floated up into this open white space. He just drifted there for awhile until he saw T’Pol sitting on what he guessed was the floor. He moved himself down in front of her and sat. He looked around trying to get a sense of this place. Where was he? T’Pol must have brought him here. When he realized he wasn’t going to be able to figure this out on his own and T’Pol was not going to be of any help right now, he simply closed his eyes and relaxed.

He felt a breeze. Strange, he hadn’t felt any air moving since he’d been here. He felt it again, stronger. He opened his eyes to see T’Pol staring at him. “Are you better now?” The concern in his voice was obvious.

“Yes.” After a few seconds she asked, “How did we get here?”

He explained what had happened in the shower and after and about how he had gotten himself to meditate, but he didn’t know how he had gotten here. “What happened to you? Was it your Mom’s gift?”

“Ah… Yes and I have not been meditating. These candles belonged to my father and were my mother’s to pass down to a member of the family. It is a great honor that she chose to pass them to you and shows that she held great affection for you. The shield as you called it is our family crest. The fact that she gave that to you tells me she considered you a member of the family, which confuses me. She and I fought because of you and she made it clear that I must do what was expected of me and marry Koss. ”

“I’m not sure that’s what she wanted at all. She cornered me when I was working on her appliances, in the kitchen, and said she knew we were involved. I thought you told her, but she said no, she was your mother and could tell. I told her how I felt about you and she told me I should tell you before the wedding, so you had all the facts beforehand. I told her I couldn’t do it. I’d just be putting more pressure on you when I knew you were doing what you had to do.”

They both became aware of a tactical alert sounding and the comm, “All senior staff to the bridge.” They both ran out the door and headed to the bridge. They stepped off the turbo lift and saw a massive ship on the view screen as Hoshi announced, “We are being hailed. Captain.”

T’Pol was at her station, hands flying across the various buttons and screens. Trip was at his station watching her. She was trying to concentrate on what she was doing, but Trip knew she was having a very difficult time. He slowly moved around the room and stood just behind her, being very careful not to get to close, but close enough that only she could hear him. “Breathe, deep breaths, now relax.” It wasn’t working. He maneuvered his body so he could touch her lower back without anyone else seeing. Once he felt her relax, he stepped back.

The tactical alert warning stopped and Trip became fully aware of his surroundings and looked to T’Pol. “Trip”…”Trip, answer the captain.” , but her lips hadn’t moved. Then he heard , “Trip.” “Earth to TRIP,” the captain was almost yelling.

“Yes, sir.” Trip finally responded.

“Nice of you to join us,” the Captain said shaking his head. “Could you get to the shuttlepod and get it ready to go? ”

“Go, go where?”

Everybody on the bridge looked at him in disbelief, except T’Pol. Her face had no expression on it as usual, but there was this sympathetic, concerned look in her eyes. Hoshi caught it and wondered what that was all about.

Malcolm followed Trip to the turbolift, “You really set a bad example when you don’t even bother to pay attention when the ship could be at risk.”

“Sorry, Mal. Don’t know what happened. I’ve had a headache off and on for a few days now and I need to get more sleep.” He really didn’t know either. He had looked at T’Pol, knew she was in trouble and then he figured out what he could do to help and did it. But how did he know what to do? And wait a minute how had she told him to answer the Captain without making a sound? This day just keeps getting weirder and now Jon’s mad at me. “So where are we going and what are we supposed to be doing?”

Malcolm just shook his head and let out a chuckle, “The ship is a transport of some kind. It has a number of different species on it and their engines are making funny noises and they need our assistance.”

“Funny noises, that’s all they said?”

“No, if you’d been listening one of them tried to make the noises, but when the younger ones on the deck started laughing he stopped.”

Trip didn’t know whether to believe him or not. Malcolm might just be trying to mess with him. “Please tell me you’re kidding?”

“No, I’m not and you really need to stop by sickbay if you really zoned out and missed all that laughing.”

Once the shuttlepod was checked out Trip decided to stop by Sickbay to see Phlox before he grabbed his toolkit for the away mission. “Hey, Doc I need something for this headache again. ”

“Has it gone away at all?” Phlox ask.

“Yeah, actually it did go away earlier when I was meditating, but then it came back in a big way on the bridge.”

“Meditating, huh. T’Pol taught you how to meditate?”

“Well, she’s going to teach me. Earlier she was having a problem and I kinda did my own crash course trying to help her.”

Phlox was really curious now, “What kind of problem could T’Pol have that would get you to attempt to meditate and how would that help her?”

Trip knew he wouldn’t answer the questions even if he had any idea what the answers were. “It’s personal Doc, and it has nothing to do with my headache. I am supposed to be getting tools for my away mission, so can you help me out or not?”, asked a frustrated Trip.

Not convinced that T’Pol had nothing to do with his headaches, but taking pity on the Commander, Phlox told him, “I’ll give you this analgesic, but no more until you get a through checkup and scan, agreed?”

Just wanting the pain to go away, Trip agreed. “Whatever you say Doc, thanks”, as Phlox emptied the hypospray into his neck.

Just as Trip headed for the door, the Captain came in. “Phlox, is Trip alright?” Trip froze.

“As far as I know. I just gave him something for a headache. He should be fine in a few minutes, why?”

“Well, earlier he showed up on the bridge, not at his station by the way, and drifted off somewhere during the whole conversation with the Zellerite Captain about their ship and the problems he needs to help them with to fix their engine. I just need to be sure he’ll be okay to go over to their ship?

Phlox gave Trip this your busted kind of look as he told the Captain, “He should be fine, but I did tell him he needs to come in for a complete work-up before I will give him anymore medication for his headaches.”

“Trip will be in for that check-up as soon as he has fixed the engine. ” Looking right at Trip Archer said, “That’s an order.”

“Come on Captain, I already agreed to the checkup, you don’t need to make it an order.”

“It already is. Thanks Phlox. See you later.” Captain Archer followed Trip down the hall.

When Trip got to the shuttlepod he saw the engineering personnel he was taking with him, Malcolm, and two other security personnel. Malcolm tapped Ensign Black’s shoulder, pointed at Trip and said something to him.

“Mal, what was that all about?”

“I just assigned Ensign Black to you. He’s not to let you out of his sight for any reason.” Malcolm waited for Trip to yell something at him.

Instead Trip just muttered “the way my days been going it can’t hurt to have someone keeping me out of trouble.” Malcolm was stunned and Trip just sat in the pilot’s seat and continued to mutter to himself all through docking with the Zellerite ship.

Everyone had exited the shuttlepod and they were headed to the engine room. Trip caught his pant leg on something and as he tried to keep himself upright he saw someone streak across the corridor in front of him. Pulling Malcolm down to him he whispered, “Mal, did you see that?”

“What?” Mal whispered back.

“I swear I saw a munchkin run down that way”, pointing to his right as he freed himself where his pants were caught. Malcolm looked at Trip and then in the direction he was pointing. No sign of anyone. “Are you alright? You’ve been acting strange all day and I don’t see anything.”

“My headache is almost gone, but maybe I’m a little stressed and seeing things” , continuing to himself, “and hearing things and not hearing things. I’m just going crazy. Working on this engine is just what I need. Something to relax me and get my mind off this whackadoo day.”

As they got nearer the engine room Trip picked up engine noise. Well, it’s missing on every third or fourth cycle. No, it’s between cycles. Then he heard another sound. He kept listening trying to figure out what was causing it. The warp core was way out of sync. The matter/anti-matter mix was wrong and it wasn’t flowing right. The plasma regulator isn’t working right either. Too bad he missed the guy trying to imitate the sounds Trip was now hearing, it really would have been good for a laugh. They finally arrived at the engineering section and Trip directed his team. “Rostov and Becker find the plasma regulators and figure out why they aren’t working. Rogers and Kerry figure out where the injectors are and see what needs to be done to get them firing in the right order, and I’m going to check out the core and see what’s wrong with the mix.”

The teams went to do what they were asked. Trip got to the warp core panels started checking readouts then laid out his tools, crawled underneath it and began making adjustments. He laid down his expander and picked up the inverter. He reached for the expander again and when he couldn’t feel it he turned to look for it, but it wasn’t there. He looked up and saw Ensign Black standing over him. “Can I help you sir”

“Not unless you borrowed one of my tools and didn’t ask first.” Trip said sarcastically.

“Sorry, sir. I’m not much use when it comes to mechanical things.”

Trip looked around again and spotted his expander laying on his other side well away from where he thought he put it. He picked it up and made the adjustment he needed, then laid it back where he had last time. He looked this time to make sure that’s where he put it. He pulled out the separator, made more changes, put it down reached for the expander and it wasn’t there. He looked up at Ensign Black with a quizzical look on his face. “Ensign, did you move my expander?”

“Your what sir?” Ensign Black asked.

“Look, this is the second time I put my expander right here”, pointing to where he laid it, “and it’s not there again. Seeing as you are standing right there I assume you either took it or saw who did.”

“I haven’t moved from right here and I haven’t seen anyone sir. Are you sure you just didn’t misplace it?”

Exasperated Trip got up, looked at the Ensign, “How could I do that when I’m laying right there and I have been laying out my tools the same way for ten years and haven’t misplaced one in all that time. What the hell is the use of having somebody stand guard over me if they can’t see someone messing with me right under their nose.” Trip continued to look for the expander, but couldn’t find it this time. He saw a flash out of the corner of his eye and turned to see some little person run down the hall and around the corner.

Trip stormed out the door looking for Malcolm, Ensign Black right behind him. Malcolm was talking to this very tall man so Trip stood there waiting for him to notice him. Malcolm turned toward him and Trip started, “Who are the little people running around and who keeps taking my tools? Your Ensign swears he didn’t take it, but he didn’t see anybody else do it while standing right there.”

Ensign Black threw his hands up in the air and Malcolm headed toward the engine room. Trip took him to where he was working, pointed down, and there was his expander right where he left it. Malcolm opened his communicator, ” Enterprise this is Lieutenant Reed. Captain I suggest we call it a night, let everybody get some sleep and go at this again in the morning.”

“Fine, Malcolm. Round everybody up and head home, Archer out.”

Malcolm watched Trip collect his tools, “Trip, are you okay? ”

“Have you ever had a day…”, Suddenly he didn’t know what to say as he thought “I don’t want to forget the whole day, T’Pol and I made progress even though I’m not sure what it all means, but then the rest of it I don’t even want to think about.”

Trip heard T’Pol say. “He really must be going crazy and it’s my fault.”

“I’m not crazy and why would it be your fault?” Trip responded.

With much concern Malcolm wanted to know, “Trip who are you talking to?”

“T’P…, What? You know what Mal, I think I really need some sleep and I need to see Doc about whatever he’s been giving me for my headache because since I’ve been taking whatever it is I’ve been feeling weird.”

“You mean weirder than normal?” Mal teased. “Let’s go get some sleep.”

They returned to Enterprise and Trip headed straight to his room after deciding he wasn’t up for Phlox’s checkup right now. He put in the code, stepped through the door. There were candles burning all over the room, there was a strong smell of sandalwood, meditation cushions were stacked against the wall, and the shower was running. He sat down on the bed. “Am I in the wrong room? Can’t be I put in my code and it worked. Please can I just get some sleep and let this day end?” He fell back on the pillows just as T’Pol came out of the bathroom in her robe.

“Hi, what are you doing here?” Trip asked, looking rather tired.

“We need to talk, but first you need sleep. I’m going to make sure you are dream free tonight and can get the sleep you haven’t been getting the last few weeks.” , T’Pol answered as she placed the cushions on the floor and grabbed his hand, pulling him up. “Disrobe and lay down.”

They hadn’t done neuropressure in a couple of months, but T’Pol let him know that she wasn’t going to take no for an answer, and this probably wasn’t the time to ask how she knew he’d been dreaming and not sleeping or how he kept hearing her talk to him, so he took off his jumpsuit, removed his shirt and shoes and laid down. When her hands touched his skin it felt like little electrical charges were going through his body. He closed his eyes and began to breathe just like she had taught him. Breathe in, hold it, breathe out. Breathe in, hold it until you feel the release, then breathe out. As she worked her way down his neck and back he could feel all the tension letting go and he drifted off to sleep.

Trip stirred and started to roll over to his other side until he felt something in his way. He turned over in the opposite direction and bumped the bedframe, but was able to complete the turn, as he realized he was on the floor and T’Pol was sleeping next to him on a cushion. He tried to remember last night. He came into his room she was here, did neuropressure and he must have fallen asleep. It was 05:30 so if he took a quick shower, he could get to the mess hall, grab them each some breakfast, before anybody else was there.

When he got back T’Pol was in the bathroom, so he set her tray on his desk and sat down on his bed with his. When she came out he pointed at the tray, “I brought you some breakfast.”

“Thank you. Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah, it’s amazing what a good nights sleep can do. By the way how did you know I haven’t been sleeping? And what about the dreams?”

T’Pol thought for a moment, “I told you last night we need to talk and that is part of what we need to talk about, but it needs to be when we won’t be interrupted. Do you think you’ll have the engines done today?”

She had changed the subject and Trip wasn’t sure if he should let her. “I’m not sure. I need to talk to my team before I can be sure what’s up. We are meeting at 08:00 to discuss what we found last night. Also I seem to be having trouble keeping track of my tools and if that continues it will slow me down. Why?”

“Don’t you have to get a check-up as soon as you finish the engine? I believe the Captain ordered you to.”

Jon told T’Pol about my check-up. “The Captain told you he ordered me? I can’t believe he did that.”

T’Pol ignored his question for the moment because she couldn’t tell him that the Captain hadn’t told her, but Trip had when he was talking to himself about it. “My point was that if the engines aren’t done tonight, then we can meet here for dinner and then talk. If that’s acceptable.”

“That’s fine. I’ll find you after I get back here for the night. By the way could you leave one of your candles here I kinda like the sandalwood smell and the ones your Mom gave me are odorless, I think?”

T’Pol began lighting her candles and Trip realized they had been placed for her to meditate. “I’ll leave them all here for now as I was planning on going to my shift from here after I meditate. Would you like to join me?”

Trip looked up, thought why not, put his tray on the desk, and sat down across from her. “What do I do?”

“Move over here and sit like you did last time,” T’Pol said as she moved forward so he would have room to get behind her.

Trip did as she asked and she leaned back into his chest as he laid his hands on hers. “Now you said you closed your eyes and listened to the engine, so do that again.” Trip took cleansing breathes, closed his eyes, cleared his mind and there was the engine. He began to float up and all his stress and worry floated away. He was sitting on a beach with T’Pol leaning against his chest.

“Did I get us here?”

T’Pol looked around, “I have never been to a beach, so this must be from your memory. I do not like water, except in a bathtub or shower.”

“We can go somewhere else if you don’t want to be here. You pick. That white room is fine if that’s what you like.” Not wanting to take the chance she might decide she didn’t want to meditate with him he’d go wherever she wanted.

“If you like it we’ll stay here. Is this from your childhood?’

Trip became excited as he started to tell her about all the time he spent on this beach growing up. This was where his family went every summer. His grandparents had a house on this beach and they would come here and swim, and scuba dive, and fish, and play from sun up till sundown. As kids they were allowed to run and play without many rules here. Memories of Lizzie growing up started to hit him and then sadness. Trip let it wash over him for a few minutes and then he started to talk about all the fun he and Lizzie had. He talked about how much alike they seemed to be. They felt the same about life and the world around them. They were both full of energy and went at everything full throttle and wore their parents out. The more he talked the more T’Pol could feel the warm and tender feelings he held for his sister. He seemed to be letting himself enjoy them for the first time in a very long time. His arms came up around her and he buried his face in her hair and let out a sigh that sent shivers through her body. They sat like this until the alarm went off and brought them back to Trip’s room. It was 07:45 and they needed to get to work.

Trip stood up and helped T’Pol to her feet. They put out the candles, but left them where they were. Trip took her hand raised it to his lips and kissed it. “Thank you.” was all he said and they headed out the door. The turbolift stopped at the bridge and T’Pol looked at Trip and said, “see you for dinner.”

Trip was smiling when he entered engineering and everybody noticed. His staff were all worried about him. He had always been the happy go lucky life of the party kind of guy, until Lizzie. Then he was the angry, let’s kill all the Xindi guy. He finally seemed to be getting better when the rumors about he and T’Pol were going around. They seemed to be very good friends and Trip seemed to be healing little by little until he and T’Pol went to Vulcan. Nobody really knew what happened, but when T’Pol came back the tension between them was hard to miss. After several weeks they seemed to resolve their problems and become friends again. Then T’Pol’s mother died and some Vulcan guy came aboard to speak to her, which Trip seemed to like, and just when it seemed that T’Pol had dealt with that the whole Terra Prime mess happened and Elizabeth, their cloned daughter, was found, then died and the world dropped out from under them again. Trip was angry and sad all the time and that light that had just started to return to his eyes was gone again. Most feared it was gone for good this time, but there was that light in his eyes and even the way he was walking told them he was actually happy for the first time in several months, if not years.

Trip entered his office and found his team already there. He put a cup in the drink dispenser and asked for “green tea with mint “, walked to his desk, picked up his padd, and sipped his tea, while his team all looked at him as if he had grown an extra set of ears. Trip always drank coffee in the morning. Gallons of the stuff. He drank ice tea with lemon usually with dinner, but no one had ever seen him drink green tea.

“Okay, Rostov what did you guys figure out about the regulators?” Trip listened as he explained what they knew so far and what they would need to fix the problems. Rogers did the same for the injectors, which came down to replacing half of them. Trip then explained what he had managed to find and fix with the core. The team then went to collect all the parts they would need for the day. Malcolm came in right after they all left.

Malcolm had that I know what you’ve been doing kind of grin on his face. “So how are you feeling today? Did you get some sleep? I saw you and T’Pol leaving your quarters this morning.”

“I slept all night. T’Pol came by for nuero-pressure last night, which knocked me right out and then came back for meditation this morning.” He didn’t like lying to Mal, but he also wanted to keep his personal life private, at least until he knew what was going on with T’Pol. He was wary of letting himself believe that they could work things out, but she did seem different recently. No let him get close one day, then push him away the next. In fact she was the one doing all the getting close, which was nice for a change.

“You meditate, now?”

“Don’t knock it till you try it. It really helps me with all my emotions.” Trip couldn’t believe how much better he felt about Lizzie after this morning. He was actually thinking about her without the overwhelming sadness. In fact he now could recall the happy, carefree days of their childhood. He hadn’t been able to do that since she died.

Malcolm picked up Trip’s cup. “What the hell are you drinking? This isn’t coffee.”

Trip took the cup from Malcolm looked at it and said, “Tea with mint. It’s better for me than coffee.”

Chuckling, “Since when do your care what’s good for you?”

Trip thought about that for a minute. When did he start to care and why was he drinking green tea? “This morning….Look most of yesterday was really strange and today has started off great and I’d really like to keep it that way. No headache, no zoning out, no seeing things. So let me get my tools and I’ll meet you at the shuttlepod in 5 minutes.”

In the shuttlepod Trip looked at Ensign Black, “Besides watching me today you are also going to help me keep an eye on my tools, okay? I can’t get anything done if every time I lay a tool down it gets moved or disappears.”

“Sir, do you think I was messing with your tools?”

Trip turned around again to face the Ensign. “No, but somebody was and I really can’t see how I didn’t see them and I sure don’t understand how you didn’t see anyone. So today please just keep your eyes open, so I don’t have to keep looking for tools. ”

Everybody went straight to their assigned tasks when they entered the engine room. Trip first listened to the engine. Not as bad as yesterday, but still a long way from right. Then he went to various stations and took note of the readouts. He grabbed his tools and headed for the core area. He opened up the tools and laid them on the floor and positioned himself to reach as many areas as possible. He closed his eyes and listened, picturing the matter/antimatter flow as it mixed in the core. He opened his eyes and began making the necessary adjustments. Everything seemed to be going fine, then he reached for a tool and it wasn’t there. He looked up at Ensign Black to see him staring intently at him and his tools. He didn’t get out this time he just pulled out his communicator and called Malcolm. “Mal, this if Trip. Could you come to the engine room.”

In a few minutes Malcolm entered. “What’s the problem?”

Rostov came up behind Malcolm and Black. “Commander, my tools are gone. I went to clean some parts and when I came back to re-install them all my tools were missing.”

Trip pulled himself out from under the warp core and got right up in Malcolm face. “Well, at least now we know it wasn’t my lack of sleep last night. I’m missing my expander again. Does anyone see it down there anywhere?”

Malcolm was leaving, “I’ll be right back.”

Trip collected his tools, went to find the rest of his team, and borrow an expander. All their expanders were missing and Malcolm hadn’t returned yet, so Trip told Rostov to borrow what he needed from Becker, Rogers, or Kerry and go back to work. He found an expander like tool laying in a work area across the room so he took out only the tools he needed from his kit and tucked the rest underneath himself when he got back where he needed to work. The tools he needed were stuck in his waistband so they couldn’t be misplaced again. He was making the adjustments and laid the makeshift expander right next to his head on the floor without thinking and when he reached for it again it was gone. He pulled out his communicator. “Enterprise, this is Tucker. Could someone please bring me an expander?”

“Trip, didn’t you take one with you?,” inquired the Captain.

“Of course I did, but all ours seem to have disappeared. I informed Malcolm hours ago about our missing tools and he hasn’t gotten back to me yet. Do I need to send the shuttlepod back to get it?

“No, I’ll have someone transport over with it. Do you need anything else? ”

“We could use 2 more injectors. Ask Hess about them because the ones we need aren’t the ones we use. Thanks Captain.”

Trip picked up his padd and input the adjustments and all the other new data to reflect the repairs that had been made to the engine. He worked on this for some time and then looked up to see T’Pol materialize. She handed him his expander and turned and walked away with the injectors and duffel bags with what smelled like lunch in them. A few minutes later she returned holding 1 bag and her padd.

“Commander, if you’ll follow me I have your lunch.” Trip pulled himself up and out from under the core.

“T’Pol, thanks, but why did the Captain send you? I’m sure you have better things to do than play delivery woman for me.”

“The Captain didn’t send me. I asked if I could deliver your parts, as I need your input on a couple of things I’m working on. ” She handed him her padd while she continued to pull items out of the duffel bag and set up lunch on the small table she found. Trip grabbed a couple of chairs from across the room and started to read the padd.

The first item had to do with some calculations he’d made for Malcolm to recalibrate his phase cannons again. Okay, T’Pol didn’t need him to figure this out she could do the math in her head ten times faster than he could ever do with a calculator. Next, was a scheduling conflict for some repair work in the observation deck, 2 days from now. That could have waited or she simply could have talked to Hess about it and had her reschedule the work. He read down the list and realized none of it needed to be handled now and he didn’t need to handle any of it himself, there were people on Enterprise who could help her and she knew that, but he dealt with each item for her. “T’Pol, I take it that the Captain didn’t ask any questions about what you needed my assistance with?”

“Why would you assume that ?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe because you didn’t really need me for anything on this list and if he had seen it he would have known that. So why are you really here?”

“You needed to eat, so I brought you lunch and I wanted to make sure you still didn’t think you were going crazy.”

Trip started laughing. “So you’re telling me you wanted to bring me lunch and see if I was alright. so you made up some stupid reason so you could? I thought Vulcans don’t lie?”

After considering what Trip said T’Pol replied, “I did not lie to the Captain. I needed your assistance. I would have had waste half the day to talk to several people to get done what you did in several minutes. ”

“Okay, so you didn’t lie, but you sure stretched the truth. By the way do you have some sort of listening device on me? Oh, never mind that can’t be it because I never told anyone that. I only thought that… No, actually you said that I thought I was going crazy and it was your fault and when I told you I wasn’t crazy and asked what was your fault, Malcolm wanted to know who I was talking to. ”

T’Pol’s didn’t say a thing and Trip knew she wasn’t going to. “This is part of what we need to talk about isn’t it.? I’ll drop it for now if you promise that you’ll explain all this to me later.”

T’Pol just shook her head yes. They ate lunch and talked about the missing tools and the repairs and just enjoyed being together. Trip was telling her about the little people he’d seen running down the corridors when Malcolm finally showed up.

“Did you find our tools”, Trip wanted to know.

Malcolm was just standing with this stupid grin on his face. “Special delivery for Commander Tucker, I see”, pointing to their lunch.

“Give me a break Mal, she brought me another expander since all ours are missing and then you disappeared, we thought in search of our tools, but never came back. ”

“I did go looking for your tools and found out there are a group of kids, well not exactly kids I guess they’re more kid-like, who have been playing pranks all over the ship. They seem to be able to get around the ship unnoticed and get their hands on whatever they want, but the Captain assures me they always return what they take at some point. It seems they just want to get under your skin and when they get bored they move on.”

“Well, then we should be okay because we are managing without the tools they took, so hopefully when we get done tomorrow our tools will show up. I just can’t figure out why they would take every expander they can find? They even took the tool I was using as an expander because I didn’t have a real one. And Malcolm, you’re welcome to help yourself to lunch before T’Pol heads back to Enterprise.”

Malcolm looked over the table, “This is all vegetarian. First green tea, now no meat?”

“I still eat meat Mal, I just try not to do it when I’m with T’Pol. It turns her stomach to watch us.” He looked at T’Pol when he realized what he’d just said and knew she was embarrassed. He felt bad, even though he didn’t know how he knew that watching anyone eat something that had been alive really did turn her stomach. He mouthed, “I’m sorry” to her.

It became obvious Malcolm wasn’t going to eat, so Trip started packing the lunch dishes back into the duffel bag and Malcolm left.

“T’Pol I really am sorry. I don’t know why I said that. ”

“There is no need for you to be sorry. What you said is true and thank you for your consideration when we share meals. I did not know you did not eat meat because it affected me…Trip, you turned down catfish the last time we ate with the Captain. Is that why?”

She used his nickname again. “Yeah, for some reason I got the feeling of your stomach doing somersaults whenever Jon or I were eating meat, so I just don’t eat it when you’re at the table.”

“Vulcans do eat some seafood. I do not find catfish to be disagreeable to my stomach.”

Trip’s grin spread across his face. “That’s good to know because catfish is my favorite and while I can do without most other kinds of meats I really like it and shrimp. I’ve never seen you eat anything other than vegetarian. Do you eat seafood?”

“My father liked mollusks and some type of fish which I can’t remember, but my mother only served them when he was home. I was fourteen when he was killed, so that was the last time I ate seafood of any kind. We are taught that food is to sustain life and not for enjoyment like humans seem to believe. I have revised that belief since I’ve known you though. I now eat dessert, which has no nutritional value. I have asked chef to prepare those things I like and let him know what I do not like. He also tries to find new recipes for vegetarian dishes and I try whatever he comes up with. I find that I enjoy it and it also helps me to cut down on the supplements I must take if I eat more of a variety of foods. On a Vulcan ship I would have simply eaten whatever was provided without a thought about it. ”

Trip heard some noise and saw Malcolm returning with the duffel bags T’Pol had left with the rest of his team and the Malcolm’s security people. T’Pol picked up her padd then the duffel Trip laid next to her and Malcolm handed her the rest. She took out her communicator “T’Pol to Enterprise, I’m ready to return.” As she dematerialized Trip heard, “See you at dinner”, in his head. He smiled and walked back to the core.

The shuttlepod docked with Enterprise at 06:00. The Captain was waiting. “Trip how about joining me for dinner at 07:00?”

“Sorry Captain, I already have plans.” Trip turned, grabbed his tools and the parts he’d brought back for repairs and cleaning and headed to Engineering. When he got there he told Hess to assign crew to do the needed repairs and cleaning for morning, then he sat at his desk and sent T’Pol a message asking about when she wanted dinner and who should speak to chef. He checked his messages, answered them, and headed to his quarters for a much needed shower.

He entered his room stripped off his clothes on the way to the shower, turned on the hot water and stepped in. It felt good. He dumped shampoo into his hand and as he was working it into his hair he realized that this was the first day in weeks that he hadn’t had a headache. He washed the rest of his body, rinsed himself off and stepped out of the shower. As he was rubbing the towel across his back he smelled sandalwood. He hadn’t noticed it when he came in. Maybe it was still in the air from this morning or the candles might give off the scent even when they weren’t burning. T’Pol’s room always smelled of sandalwood, but her candles were burning whenever he’d been there. He finished drying off, brushed his teeth and shaved, then put on a pair of slacks and his red shirt. He grabbed his socks and headed out to sit on the bed to put them on.

When he opened the door he heard jazz playing softly, his desk had been cleared off, and candles were burning. He looked around for T’Pol, but she wasn’t there. He sat down on the bed to put on his socks. The door chime sounded. “Come in, it’s open. He’d expected it to be T’Pol but was surprised to see Captain Archer. “Hey Jon, what’s up?” The Captain looked around the room and stopped at the family crest leaning up against the wall on Trip’s desk.

“How did you get that?” Jon asked pointedly.

“It was in a package T’Les , T’Pol’s mother, gave me just before I left Vulcan. It also had those candles and holders in it. I’m not sure why she gave them to me though.”

Jon recognized the crest as Surak’s. He didn’t remember much from carrying his katra around, but he did remember that. “Do you know what that is?”

“Yeah, T’Pol told me it’s her family crest. It belonged to her father. Like I said I don’t know why T’Les gave it to me, but T’Pol says it’s an honor and she seems okay with it. How would you know what it is?”

“I’ve seen it before. You might want to ask T’Pol about it sometime. ”

“So what did you want?” Trip was feeling uncomfortable for some reason with the Captain here.

“I just wanted to ask if you were feeling any better? Have you checked back in with Phlox?”

“Actually I’m fine. I slept all night last night and my headache is gone, finally. I’ve been meditating and it seems to be helping. ”

Jon looked at him strangely. “You meditate, since when?”

“Why does everybody react the same way? I’ve only done it a couple of times, but I can think about Lizzie now without losing it. I remember all the fun we had and how we laughed and played together and it feels good.”

“Sorry, it just seems like I don’t know you anymore. ”

“Jon, I’ve grown up since Enterprise started out. I’m not that wide-eyed, naive, engineer who thought that exploring space was like exploring Earth. I’ve seen too much and had too much ripped from my life. I didn’t think I’d ever feel anything close to myself again, but I am beginning to. I won’t ever be as open and trusting as I was and I’ve lost some of my full throttle enthusiasm of life, but I am enjoying more and more everyday. The more I just get to be just an engineer and we get to explore without all the fighting the better off I’ll be. The engines will be done tomorrow and then I’ll go see Phlox and if he still wants to do that check-up then fine I won’t argue, but I’m feeling fine. ” Trip finished putting his socks on and looked up at Jon. “Anything else Captain?” Captain Archer just turned and left.

As soon as he was out of sight T’Pol stepped through Trip’s door. “What did the Captain want?”

“He says I should ask you about your family crest. He seemed to recognize it for some reason. He wanted to see if I was alright is what he said. ” Trip wasn’t sure why, but he hadn’t believed that was the reason for Jon’s visit.

“You sound as if you did not believe that was why he was here?” T’Pol felt his distrust of the Captain.

“He met me at the shuttlebay to ask me to join him for dinner and I told him I already had plans. I think he was here to see if he could figure out who my plans were with?”

T’Pol knew that was probably true. “The Captain also asked me to dinner and I also told him I had plans. Perhaps he wanted to see if we had plans together?”

“It’s none of his business. He’s a friend, but not even that close a friend anymore. He’s the Captain first and our personal lives are private and I really would like to keep it that way for as long as possible. ” Trip took some deep breaths and cleared his mind. “Okay, so can we just forget all that and figure out dinner, I’m starving?”

“Dinner will be here in about an hour, so what would you like to do until then?”

“Could we just sit as if we were going to meditate and just listen to the music and relax.” Trip sat down on the floor and put the cushion behind his back up against the bed and motioned for T’Pol to sit in front of him as he extended his legs outward. She sat down and fell back into his chest. He closed his eyes, wrapped his arms around her, and let the music flow through his mind and let all his worries go. By the time the door chime sounded they were both calm and relaxed.

Trip pulled the cart into his room. He took everything off the cart and placed it in front of the bed and then pulled the chair from the desk to the other side. T’Pol set one of the covered plates in front of Trip and the other across from his. She handed him his iced tea and then the plate with the lemon on it. They both sat down. When Trip lifted the cover off his plate he couldn’t believe it. There were two piece of catfish, cheesy potatoes, and the vegetable mix that she had introduced him to and he liked. “It took more than an hour because chef pulled the catfish out of the stasis unit and had to thaw it. You got him to fix this as a favor didn’t you? How do you do that? He doesn’t do special request for anybody.”

“I’ll never tell.” When she explained that the Commander had not been eating meat out of deference to her, even though he loved catfish and didn’t know that it wouldn’t have bothered her, chef was more than willing to make it for him.

“Well, whatever you did thank you. How did you know I liked cheesy potatoes?” He really didn’t know how she could know. He had gotten the recipe from his Mom and asked chef if he could make them once in a while. Chef hadn’t made them for a couple of months.

“I told him I’d like the vegetable dish and you seemed to like them too and then he suggested the potatoes. Chef says they’re just like Mom used to make? I also informed him that he could serve you seafood when I’m am present and it would not disturb me at all.”

Trip smiled. “Would you like to try some of the catfish? Seafood has a lot of protein in it and if you were to eat some you might be able to get rid of those awful protein supplements you have to take?”

“I will consider it. Just not tonight. ” Trip noticed she had tried the cheesy potatoes .

They finished dinner quietly. T”Pol kept going over where to start their talk and Trip was trying to figure what was different about her.

Dinner and dessert were done and Trip put all the dishes back on the cart and moved it toward the door to be returned to the mess hall later. While T’Pol rearranged the cushions on the floor as if they were going to meditate across from each other.

T’Pol sat down and Trip sat across from her. He could tell she was nervous. “Trip I have a lot to tell you and I’m sure you will have many questions, but I ask that you try to let me finish and then I will answer any questions you wish to ask me.”

“Okay, ‘ll try, but does this have to do with this bond thing between us? We were supposed to talk about that a long time ago and never did and I assumed it was fading away until the last few weeks. I seem to be able to feel you and your emotions and I’m not going crazy when I hear your voice in my head, am I?” Trip looked at T’Pol waiting for her answer.

“The bond still exist and it has not gotten stronger I just haven’t been able to shield you from it as easily. The more time we spend together the harder it is for me to block you out of my mind and I also seem to be having difficulty shielding you from my mind, especially when either of us sleeps or meditates. Our minds are seeking each other out through the bond and it is doing what it is intended to do and we are fighting it. That is why you have been having headaches, not sleeping, constantly sharing dreams with me. It’s the bonds way of drawing us together.”

Trip breathed a sigh of relief. “Wow, it’s nice to know I’m not going crazy.”

T’Pol didn’t react to what he just said, but instead tried to figure out how to start. “Trip, there are many reasons why this bond formed between us and many of them are because I did not follow what I knew to be the correct path for a Vulcan when dealing with Humans, but I also did not know a bond could form with a human. We are taught what is considered the basics about bonds from an early age. Our parents decide who we are to bond with and a ceremony is held around age 7 to start the early bonding process that will eventually lead to a mating bond when we come of age. Koss and I went through this ceremony when I was 7 and he was 8. When we held the marriage ceremony our bond should have started and become stronger and under normal circumstances we would have lived together for at least a year to get to know one another and allow that bond to mature. Because I had no intention of remaining on Vulcan and because there was already a bond between you and I there was no possibility that Koss and I would bond. I was unaware of the bond between you and I, but looking back Koss must have become aware of it and knew that he and I would never be bondmates.” T’Pol took a few cleansing breaths and kept going.

“The bond we have started because we were attracted to one another back in the expanse. We were doing neuro-pressure, which for a Vulcan means taking on the emotions of the partner and then we became friends. We continued to lean on each other and spend time together. After Sim told me of your feelings toward me I began to consider the possibility of a relationship with you, but did not do anything to bring that about until Amanda Cole began to show an interest in you and you in her.”

Trip shot her a glance with a tilt of his head to one side. “You were jealous?”

“Yes. At that time I did not know what I was feeling I just knew that I could not lose you. I initiated sexual relations between us because I knew that human males require mating with their partner to express their affection for each other, but I was unprepared for the emotions that were brought to the surface. Yours and mine. I was overwhelmed and had to meditate constantly to regain my control. I did not understand any of what I was feeling. I have suffered damage to the neurological center of my brain and will never have full control of my emotions, but I can learn to deal with my emotions as they are now with some assistance.”

“I assume Phlox has been helping you?” Trip questioned.

“The Doctor is the only one who knows about my difficulties and he has done everything possible to help me. The first time I required his assistance was when Tolaris was aboard Enterprise. ” T’Pol closed her eyes and took a deep breathe. “He talked to me about his beliefs and suggested there was a way to feel emotions and remain in control. He came to my quarters and started to perform a mind-meld with me. I didn’t know what he was doing, but I allowed it until I realized he had lied to me and I fought him off and broke the meld with him. Once I got him out of my quarters I called Dr. Phlox. Over the next several weeks we became aware that I had a condition called Pa’nar syndrome . It was caused because Tolaris was not an experienced melder and I had forced an abrupt end to it. At first we thought it was incurable, but when I was with the Syrannites I discovered that a trained melder could cure it. Some of the damage is permanent, but it will cause no further damage.”

Trip was looking into her eyes as if searching for something. He was angry, but he also knew that there was nothing he could do. She could feel his intense anger, but he said nothing, just waited for her to continue.

“My mother told me my emotions have always been to close to the surface, but they became harder to deal with. The expanse was taking it’s toll on everybody and I was having difficulty with my own emotions and 83 crew members who walked around with their emotions yelling inside my mind. You and I grew closer and our neuro-pressure sessions helped me as much as they helped you. After we left the Seleya and I recovered from the Trillium D exposure I had nightmares about losing control of my emotions. ”

Trip frowned. “Why would you be afraid? They were under the influence of a chemical? Malcolm told me what they were like.”

T’Pol’s voice wavered. “You do not understand. They were not sick they were just stripped of their control and had reverted back what Vulcans were like before we embraced logic. We were a savage people who lived in clans and killed each other like the cavemen of human history, only much worse. That is why we have to keep our emotions suppressed. We would destroy ourselves if we did not. ”

Trip reached out and took T’Pol’s hands in his. “I became afraid that I would harm you, so I kept my distance from you. I regained my control and it became more and more difficult to stay away, so we became friends again. Then Sim and Amanda happened and I pushed you away again. When I took you to Vulcan I had every intention of telling you of my feelings for you, then Koss insisted we marry and when I returned to Enterprise you were so distant I thought I had lost you forever. We found a way to work together and still be friends and I was content. You seemed willing to allow our friendship to be as close as possible without interfering with my marriage. When my mother died I did not know what to do. Vulcans are bonded to their parents, siblings, and bondmates. I was without a bond for the first time in my life, or so I thought. Then Koss came and released me from our marriage and I was truly alone.”

Trip tightened his gripped on her hands and felt tears running down his cheeks. “I was there even when you didn’t want me to be.”

T’Pol studied his face for a moment. “I know you were, but I did not know how to let you help me and not lose what little control I had left. When we found Elizabeth and she died I realized that I had a bond with her and it had been ripped away when she died. I almost had the Captain return me to Vulcan to seek medical help, but I couldn’t leave you. The bond was doing it’s job and wouldn’t let me leave.”

“This bond has control over our actions?” Trip was surprised.

“Not control. It will influence us to do what is necessary to keep each other safe and to keep others from interfering with our bond.”

“Is that what happened the other night in the Rec Room? I was watching those 2 crew members sparring and then I felt this poke in my head like when my Mom would stick her elbow in my ribs when I feel asleep in church. I knew you were angry at me.” The look on T’Pol’s face told him she wasn’t angry at him. “You were angry at them.” That’s why you looked as if you wanted to rip them apart and then your anger just went away.” She shook her head. Trip laughed under his breath. “Well, I guess I’m going to have to be more careful if I don’t want to put the female crew at risk. ”

“You would do the same if a male were to approach me. ”

Trip considered this for a moment and as he did “Mine” kept repeating in his head. Embarrassment showed on his face.

“Do not be embarrassed that is how it is supposed to be. I belong to you and you belong to me as long as we remain bonded. ” T’Pol explained.

“I guess I never really thought about it because while Malcolm checks out you bum every chance he gets and for awhile I thought Jon was thinking about you romantically the rest of the crew might check you out, but they’re scared to death of you.” T’Pol shot him that raised eyebrow. “The fact that I’m possessive of you bothers me, but you don’t seem to mind. In fact, I felt nothing but warm feelings from you when I repeated that in my head. Vulcan males look at their wives as possessions? That explains a lot.”

Trip was trying to figure out why they were sitting across from each other when all he wanted was for her to move over and lean back into his chest and let him wrap his arms around her. T’Pol studied him for a moment, stood up and placed herself in front of him and leaned back.

“I can hear your thoughts very clearly when we are this close. I will have to teach you how to shield them if we are to remain bonded.”

Trip was still a little wary when it came to T’Pol and their future. “That’s the second time you’ve said if we remained bonded. Do you want to have the bond removed?” Almost afraid to hear her answer.

“Do you trust me?” T’Pol ask.

Trip had to think how to answer her. “With my life without question. There is no one I trust more, but with my heart I’m not so sure. You’ve been all over the place with me and it’s going to take me some time to trust your feelings for me again. Do you trust me?”

T’Pol let out a deep sigh. “I trust you above all others. I always have and I always will. I do not wish to break our bond, but I will if that is what you wish. You had no knowledge that a bond could form between us and therefore were unable to give your permission for it to be formed. If you wish to break it I can contact a priest on Vulcan and we can go there and see about having it removed. If we choose to keep this bond it will become stronger and permanent. When that happens as far as Vulcan tradition is concerned we will be married.” T’Pol waited for his reaction.

Trip was stunned. “So we go from friends with a bond to husband and wife? What happened to getting to know each other?”

Fear was all Trip could feel coming from T’Pol. “Look T’Pol this is a lot for me to take in all at once. I want the bond to remain. I just need time to adjust to this. Human couples date and go through what my parents called courtship. Kind of like what you described that Vulcan couples do after their marriage ceremony we just do it before we get married.”

T’Pol relaxed a little. “Vulcan couples do that also. They have a ceremony then they move into a house together and eat meals together and start spending more and more time together to allow a bond to form between them. If the bond does not form within a years time they are free to dissolve the marriage and seek another mate.”

Trip was suddenly relieved. “Okay, can we do that. I know our bond is already there and I want it to grow and get stronger, but I feel like we missed way too much getting here. There’s so much we don’t know about each other. ”

T’Pol considered whether she should tell him the rest about the bond. Like the fact that they would know everything and would no longer have any secrets from each other. She would also need to tell him about Pon Farr. “There is still a lot you do not know about this bond.”

Trip was getting tired. They had been talking for hours and he really needed to get some sleep. When T’Pol became aware of how tired he really was. “We can talk about this later. You need to sleep. You have to complete the repairs for the Zellerites tomorrow and you won’t be able to do that if you are tired. You should not have any trouble sleeping and if you are bothered by dreams again just remember that I am there with you and it should help you go back to sleep. ”

” Dreams. You’re saying you were there? In my head? ” Trip face and neck were a bright red as he realized she knew about his erotic dreams. “You really need to teach me how to shield my thoughts.”

Trying to reassure him. “Those dreams were the bonds way of bringing us together. There is no reason for you to be upset. I was a willing participant in them. Shielding only works when you are awake and the dreams should stop now that we aren’t fighting the bond. ”

“Iokay, but it’s just a little weird having you in my head like that.” Trip relaxed slightly. “Can we meditate in the morning before or after breakfast?”

“If that’s what you want, yes. What time will you be up in the morning?”

“Let’s say 05:30. That way we can meditate then grab breakfast before our shifts start.”

T’Pol stood up then helped Trip up. She kissed his cheek. “Goodnight Trip, sweet dreams.” She pushed the cart out the door and left.

Trip stripped off his clothes and climbed into bed. As he laid back on his pillow he began to replay everything T’Pol had told him. She hadn’t mentioned his going to Columbia or much of anything since he came back. He wondered why. Maybe they would talk about that later or maybe they didn’t need to talk about it. Thoughts kept floating around in his head and he just drifted off to sleep feeling better than he had in a very long time.

The alarm went off and Trip was surprised that he had slept all night again. He went through his morning routine and then sat down at his computer screen and checked his messages. When he sat down he spotted something wrapped in what looked to be tissue paper, but it felt stronger than that. He unwrapped it and found a chain with the IDIC on it. There was a note. He recognized T’Pol’s writing. “This belonged to my father. He had a set made for himself and my mother. I wear my mother’s and would like it if you would consider wearing my father’s. Always T’Pol.”

Shock was the first thing he felt. He thought Vulcans didn’t wear jewelry. That didn’t actually make since because T’Les had sent that IDIC to T’Pol when she took off with the Syrannites. Why create a necklace or have one if you weren’t going to wear it. As Trip twirled the IDIC symbol around in his fingers he saw the inscription on the back. “Forever My Ashayam”. Trip had no idea what it meant. He turned to the computer and pulled up the Vulcan dictionary and typed the word in. “Ashayam – Beloved, a term used between bondmates” He undid the clasp and put it around his neck, smiled to himself, then slipped it under his shirt.

His door chime sounded and he opened the door and T’Pol entered. Trip looked at her, “You have the code why don’t you just use it and come in?”

T’Pol looked back at the door for a moment. “Now that you have told me that is what you wish I will do so in the future, but only if you do the same when coming to my quarters”, as she handed him new candles. “I brought you some sandalwood candles. The quartermaster has a supply for me and I told him to allow you to get them from him, as needed.”

He put the candles on the desk and they arranged her candles and cushions and meditated. When they headed to the mess hall for breakfast anyone who knew Commander Trip Tucker knew he was a happy man. He had a smile plastered across his face, his eyes were bright and alive, and he walked with a confidence that even he thought he’d never feel again.

Hoshi was sitting facing the door to the mess hall and saw them come in. She immediately noticed Trip’s posture and that smile. T’Pol on the other hand walked not quite beside him and very close. Well, within the boundary of personal space T’Pol usually required around herself. They got their meal and went to their favorite table and sat down. Hoshi was struck by how animated Trip’s conversation was. His hands never stopped moving. T’Pol ate her breakfast and kept peering, at Trip, over the top of her mug giving him that raised eyebrow every once in a while. Hoshi wasn’t sure, but she swore she saw the closet thing to a smile she would ever see on a Vulcan’s face. Whatever Trip was babbling on about, she seemed to be enjoying it. They finished breakfast, put their trays away, and left.

Trip got on the turbolift then turned to T’Pol. “I have to see Phlox first thing when I get back to Enterprise today. I’m not sure when that will be or if I will be able to talk him out of that check-up and scan. My headache is gone and I’ve had 2 full nights of sleep and he said no more medication until I got a check-up, but since I’m fine now I may be able to get out of it.” T’Pol reached across and stopped the lift.

She seemed concerned about something. Nervous really. Trip was amazed at how many emotions she really did have. “If Dr. Phlox insists on a scan you must let me know before he does it. ” This made Trip nervous. “Is he going to find something wrong with me?”

“No, he’ll only find evidence of our bond. Humans do not use the part of the brain that the bond activates. Only those with telepathic or empathic abilities would have activity in that region of their brain. In order for us to be bonded something in your brain allowed this connection to be made; therefore; the Doctor will see the activity there and also increased activity in the rest of your brain. ”

Trip let this sink in for a minute. This bond is changing my brain? Is that dangerous? Do I want Phlox to know we are bonded? “So I need to get out of this if I can is what you’re telling me? Phlox is going to find this out at some point. It’s not like I don’t end up there on a regular basis as both he and Malcolm remind me all the time.”

“The doctor is going to find out at some point, I think he already suspects , but this is very private for Vulcans. We never discuss such matters with out-worlders. Besides didn’t you say our personal lives are private and no ones business?”

He hated when she through his words back in his face. She must remember every conversation. He remembers everything he sees and she remembers everything she hears. “If I can’t get out of the scan I will contact you. Can I just let you know through this bond?”

“Yes, just have your mind seek me out and I will hear you”, she said as she restarted the turbolift.

When the door opened on the bridge Captain Archer was standing there looking rather perturbed. T’Pol stepped around him and headed to her station. The Captain stepped into the lift. Trip hit the button for engineering. He then looked at the Captain all cheerful and smiling , “Morning, Captain.”

Archer didn’t say anything he just looked at Trip trying to figure out what was so different about him the last couple of days. He’s happy and smiling. Ready to take on the world again. He wanted to ask about it, but knew that Trip wasn’t going to tell him anything. Their friendship had been damaged and it didn’t look like it would ever be the same. Finally he turned his attention to ship’s business. “Will the repairs be done today?”

Trip looked up from the padd he was studying. “Yeah, it should only take 3-4 more hours. Then we have to see if we can get our tools back. I have an idea about that if they aren’t returned like their Captain said they would be.” The lift stopped at engineering and Trip stepped out. “Anything else Captain?” Archer reached out and punched the button for wherever he was going and as the door slid shut said “No, just keep me informed of your progress.”

The team went back to the Zellerite ship and finished the repairs. The tools had not shown up yet so Trip sent his team to the shuttlepod and he went to his tools and pulled out the expander he had been using. “I know you can hear me and I know you have our tools. We would really like them back. I have an extra expander here and if you convince me that it will not be used in your pranks I will give it to you in exchange for the tools you took.” He waited. He knew someone was watching him, but he wasn’t sure where they were.

Slowly, a small figure emerged from behind a stack of boxes. He appeared to be a male child, but when he got closer Trip remembered what Malcolm had said. They were kid-like. He was small like a kid, but his features were older. He carried himself like a young teen though. Trip sat down on the bench to bring himself down to his level, so as not to scare him. His voice softened as he pointed to what he was carrying, ” Are those our tools?” The boy shook his head yes. “Do you have a name? I won’t tell anyone who you are. It seems they have no idea, who is responsible for all these pranks and as long as you return the items you take it doesn’t appear they are going to try to figure it out.?

“My name is Asarith. ”

Trip couldn’t help but smile at him. “Well, Asarith can you tell me why you’re so fascinated with our expanders?”

Asarith reached into the bag he had over his shoulder and pulled out what looked like a musical instrument of some sort. “Your tool works to adjust this so I can play it. I haven’t been able to use it for several rotations of our moon, but with your tool I have been able to fix it.”

Trip handed Asarith the expander in his hand. “This is yours to keep. Can I have my tools back now?” Asarith handed them back to Trip. Trip extended his hand to him. Asarith put his out and Trip took it in his, “Nice to meet you Asarith and thank you for returning the tools. Now you better get out of here before someone else sees you.” He turned and disappeared. Trip reached down, collected the rest of his tools and headed for the shuttlepod feeling as if all was right with his world.

Once Trip had put away all his tools and checked on the status of his engine, he headed for sickbay. All the way there he tried to figure out what he was going to say to Doc. He stepped through the doors to Phlox’s greeting, “Well you’re finally here for that check-up?”

Trip stammered a bit, “Well, actually Doc I feel fine. My headaches gone and I’ve slept 2 nights in a row. You said if I wanted anymore medication for the headache I’d need a check-up, but since the headache is gone I won’t be needing anymore medicine. ”

Phlox looked at the Commander and realized he was nervous about something. “Well, let me take a look at you to be sure everything really is all right. ”

Trip sat down on the biobed while Phlox checked him over. “Commander when did the headaches stop.”

“Two days ago. Why?”

Phlox stepped back and studied his face, “Do you have any idea what was causing the headaches?”

Trip thought for a minute, “Probably lack of sleep. I’ve been having trouble with dreams again. I talked to T’Pol about them and she started giving me neuro-pressure again and is teaching me how to meditate. It’s only been a couple of days, but it really has helped a lot. That’s what you recommended before and it worked and it seems to be working again.” Trip hoped he bought it.

Phlox walked across the room and came back with a scanner. “Oh, come on Doc I really don’t think I need to be poked and prodded. I’m starving. I didn’t eat much at breakfast and I missed lunch coming down here and really need to eat.”

Phlox realized that the Commander wasn’t going to sit still for a more thorough exam. “I’ll let you go if you promise you’ll come see me at the first sign of any problems.”

He jumped off the biobed like he was spring loaded, ” I promise Doc. You want to join me for lunch?”, Phlox barely heard him as Trip headed out the door.

The doctor’s eyes followed him, as he thought to himself , “He’s hiding something.” Phlox was pretty sure he knew what it was. He’d find out soon enough. One of them was bound to require his services in the near future. Most likely Commander Tucker, if his past record with away missions was any indication.

Trip was strolling towards the mess hall as he thought about T’Pol. “You’re right darlin, he knows. He just doesn’t have proof yet.”

Trip sat at his favorite table and ate lunch. Malcolm came over and sat down with him. “I heard you got all your tools back?”

“I traded them for an old expander.”

Malcolm couldn’t believe Trip had actually given the troublemakers anything. “You don’t see it as wrong to reward stealing?”

” What are you talking about Mal. If you had met him you wouldn’t have found it to be wrong either.”

Malcolm was slightly angry now. “You met him? What’s wrong with you? Who was he?”

Trip looked up at Malcolm. “I’m not going to tell you or anyone else. I promised him I wouldn’t.”

Malcolm was visible angry now. “I don’t get you. I could go to the Captain and have him order you to tell me.”

Trip couldn’t believe Malcolm was being like this over some pranks. He let out a little laugh. “Do what you’ve got to do, but I’m not telling you or anyone who it was and that’s final.” Trip ignored him and went back to reading his padd.

After he cooled off a bit he knew that Trip wasn’t going to tell him who had taken his tools and he would let them put him in the brig before he would break his promise. Trip was the most loyal person he’d ever met and Malcolm knew that if he gave his word there was no way he would break it. Instead he decided to repair whatever damage he had just inflicted on their friendship. “Are up for some target practice tonight?”

“Sorry Mal can’t make it tonight. How about tomorrow night?”

As Malcolm got up to leave, “20:00 in the Armory tomorrow.” Trip just nodded his head as Mal walked away.

After looking up the inscription on the necklace T’Pol had given him Trip got curious and decided he needed to do some poking around in the Vulcan database. He downloaded an English copy of the “Kir’shara, which he didn’t even know existed. And now he was skimming through the Vulcan Cultural section. T’Pol had been right there was a lot he didn’t know about being bonded to a Vulcan. He found references to Pon Farr, which had something to do with mating every seven years between bonded couples, but that was all it said. Mating the way T’Pol used it meant sex. That couldn’t mean they only had sex every seven years could it? He’d also read where if the bond between couples is very strong then when one died the other soon followed. There is always discomfort, but the degree seemed to depend on the strength of the bond to begin with. Couples with a strong bond could communicate light years apart. Some couples bond was such that they couldn’t be apart from each other for extended periods of time because it would cause physical harm to each. That sounded like what happened when he’d transferred to Columbia before they knew about the bond. From what he read he was pretty sure that his mind would not be able too handle the loss of T’Pol. If after they completed their bond she were to die he most likely would die also. It finally dawned on Trip. It didn’t matter what the future held. He was in this for the long haul no matter what, he and T’Pol would or could never be apart.

Trip went back to engineering and worked on the paperwork that piled up while he was gone. He hated paperwork, but it gave his mind something to think about besides T’Pol. Sometime later Hess popped her head through the door. “Your shift ended an hour ago. Can’t remember when I’ve ever seen you spend that much time doing paperwork without hearing something fly across the room or you cussing up a storm. Get out of here.”

Trip shut off the computer and stacked the padds up, headed out of engineering, whistling. His whole crew took note and they all smiled as he stepped into the turbolift. The lift stopped at the bridge and both Malcolm and Hoshi stepped in. Trip was leaning against the back wall still whistling with that stupid grin on his face. The lift stopped on C deck and Trip waved his hand “Hey guys.” as he exited. Hoshi looked at Malcolm , “What’s up with him? He has that disgustingly stupid grin plastered on his face all day and he walks around like he’s the happiest man in the world. ” Malcolm shrugged his shoulders, “I have no idea, but you’re right it is a stupid grin. I’m just glad too see him happy again. I worried that he was going to sink farther and farther into that dark place he was in and we would never be able to pull him out.” Hoshi knew Malcolm was right, but she wanted to know what had happened to turn his world right side up again. She’d just have to pay better attention.

There was a message from T’Pol asking him to meet her for dinner at 19:00 in the mess hall and one from the quartermaster letting him know the things he’d ordered were in. He took his shower, then went to pick up his package, took it back to his room and headed for dinner. When he got to the mess hall Hoshi and Travis were seated in the far back corner, so Hoshi could study everyone who came in. T’Pol was at the table already and looked up at him as he headed to make his selection for dinner. He got his dinner and iced tea and went to sit down. T’Pol reached out two fingers under the table, so Trip did the same. The sensation when their fingers touched startled him at first, then it just felt warm and fuzzy all over. “What was that?”

“It is how bondmates greet each other in public. We will need to be discreet, but it is an acceptable way for us to touch when we are not alone.” T’Pol studied his reaction.

” Not as good as a kiss, but I can live with that”, Trip smiled at her. “Hoshi is drilling holes in my back isn’t she. I know she is cause you keep trying to discreetly look over in that direction. I thought you were part of the Ministry of Security? You weren’t very good at being a spy if this is any indication”, he teased.

T’Pol’s eyebrow shot up. “Yes, she is and I want her to see me looking at her so she’ll know that I caught her and stop. Hoshi, Malcolm, and the Doctor are going to be problems for us. Hoshi senses something and you know she will not stop until she figures it out. Malcolm on the other hand is your best friend and the most dutiful security officer I have ever met. It won’t take him long with his sensor sweeps and walking the corridors at all hours to figure this out. Dr. Phlox as you know thinks he knows something and while he may not actively seek to prove his suspicions correct, he will eventually scan one or both of us and know much more than either of us will be comfortable with without any say over what he does with that information.”

Trip hated to admit it, but she was right. They were going to have to figure out what to do about all three of them and sooner rather than later. They finished dinner and headed to T’Pol’s quarters to plan a strategy to protect their privacy as much as possible aboard Enterprise.

Trip sat down on the edge of her bed and patted the spot next to him. She sat down. “I think we need to figure out the Doc first. He’s the one most likely to figure this out and he will know about our bond. Can we ask him to honor doctor/patient confidentiality?”

“He’ll honor that as long as it doesn’t put anyone on Enterprise at risk, including either of us. If we were to be separated or one of us were to become seriously injured I do not think he would be able to keep it from the Captain and neither would we. You know what happened when we were separated and that will only get worse before it gets better, if it ever does. If one of us were injured the bond will require the other to do whatever is necessary to take care of their mate.”

Trip laid back on the bed, trying to make sense out of all this. “So once something like that happens we risk Starfleet finding out and at least one of us being reassigned or worse? If that happens what would you want to do? I love being an engineer on Enterprise and as long as we’re not at war with anybody again I’d just as soon stay here, but if I have to choose between us and Starfleet, I pick us every time.”

Trip couldn’t see her smile, but he could feel it. “We are bonded and my place is with you, so whatever decision we make we will be together.”

If wasn’t hard to figure out how Trip felt at this moment. He could have done somersaults done the corridor if he’d been out there. “So we go to Phlox, let him do all his scans and swear him to secrecy knowing he’ll give us up if he has to.”

“Agreed”, was all T’Pol said. “I have an idea how to deal with Hoshi and Malcolm? ”

“Really? Let’s hear it.”

“Hoshi has a crush on Malcolm. She has for a long time now and I think he may like her also, but he can’t get past the rules so he will not act on his feelings.”

Trip was laughing, “A crush where did you come up with that?”

“I overheard some of the crew talking about it and once I began to watch them on the bridge it became obvious they are attracted to one another.”

“Your idea is to get them involved to take the heat off us.” Trip had never seen the devious side of T’Pol before.

“If they are guilty of breaking the rules the same as we are then they will be more likely to keep our secret.”

Trip couldn’t believe she had basically just suggested they could blackmail them into silence. The fact that they could actually have some fun trying to keep their relationship a secret became apparent, “So how do we go about this?”